A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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