I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
