Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
