I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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