I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
