that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
