So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
