If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
