Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
