it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
