My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
