Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
