After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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