I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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