you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
