i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
