when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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