Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
