I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
