How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
