he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
