White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
