umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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