can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
