I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
