we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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