I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
