Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
