We're facebook friends in real life
i think my tv is drunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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