Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
