Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
