i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
