and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
