I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
