His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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