M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Alive.
So much puke
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
