direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
