Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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