I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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