is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
