i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
