I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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