Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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