Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
