I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
