Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the condom got lost in my hair
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
