He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
