drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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