I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
