just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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