There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
