How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
